I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
