Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
