The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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