I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
