I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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