If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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