im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Even my vagina gasped.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
