david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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