Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
