I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
