Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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