My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
