News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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