It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
