I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
