Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
