I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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