the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
