Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
