Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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