it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
