you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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