Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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