If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
