I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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