dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
