It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
