I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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