Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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