u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
