Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
