Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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