apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we're so committed to being not committed
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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