Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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