he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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