oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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