I'm going to jail i love you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When are your genitals available?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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