with your own penis?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
