wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
