bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Everything about him screamed your future.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
