just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
