i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
