I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
