GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
