Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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