Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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