i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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