The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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