playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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