Pregnant stripper...not hot.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
