We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
